The Truth
by ReKoJ
Summary: After the war, Hawkeye gets a surprise visitor.


The Truth

It had been years since the war had ended. Everyone had been smart enough to move on. For a while Hawkeye had been keeping in touch with BJ. They had bonded during their stint in the war but Hawkeye hadn't been stupid. He knew that whatever feelings he had for BJ, whatever they might have had, whatever they might have shared; it ended with the war.

For the first few years he had written BJ quite regularly. They always made plans to meet up for coffee but they never did. They were drifting apart and there was nothing that he could do about it. He had tried to have a meaningful relationship with quite a few women but it never amounted to anything. No matter how hard he tried the only thing that he kept thinking of BJ. He knew that he was being pathetic, but he couldn't keep him out of his mind.

He was up alone most nights. He couldn't remember what it was like to have dreams; all he ever had was nightmares. His last girlfriend said that he would scream so loudly that she was surprised that the police were never called. She said that he was impossible to sleep next to. Just as he had resigned himself to the fact that he was going to die alone (he'd been surprisingly okay with all of this) there was a knock on his door. It was 2:30 in the morning, he'd been awake, and he wasn't foolish enough to think that sleep would come easily. At the initial knock he thought that it was his neighbour. Marcus, his neighbour was always drunk and he would sometimes knock on his door, wanting to know if he wanted to drink; and usually Hawkeye would drink.

"Alright. Hold your horses!" He yelled as he stood up, stretching and cracking his back as he did so. He opened the door and was surprised to find BJ Hunnicutt at his door. For a minute all he did was stare, cursing the fates if this was a dream (he had had plenty of those). "Beej? What are you doing here?"

BJ stared at the concerned look on Hawkeye's face. The lines around his eyes were a little more pronounced, there was more gray in his hair then BJ remembered but he still looked sexy as hell. "Can I come in or are you busy?"

"Of course I'm not busy." Hawkeye moved so that Hunnicutt could step inside. Once they were both inside and they were seated comfortably Hawkeye just stared at BJ intently. BJ, unlike him, really hadn't changed. The only thing he noticed was that there were bags under his eyes. "So, what's up?"

"I made a mistake." BJ held his breath, his heart hammering in his chest. This wasn't going quite the way that he had hoped. He had always thought that he'd leave Peg but that it would be on friendly terms, that he would tell Hawkeye, the man that he loved (and had loved during his time in Korea and had continued to love even after Korea) that they could finally be together. Hawkeye would accept the offer; they'd make a life raising his daughter together. He found it odd that Hawkeye never married, despite the fact that he'd been a bit of a Casanova. But as he sat there, he knew that there was always the chance that Hawkeye would say that there was no way that they could be together. He could easily say that he no longer loved him.

"What kind of mistake?" He was very careful to keep his tone even; he didn't want to get his hopes up; after all, he'd already been rejected and humiliated by this man once and he wasn't in a hurry to do that again.

BJ sat in the chair, facing Hawkeye. He had never thought that he would have such a hard time, all he had to do was tell him what that one mistake he had made was; and then the worst would be over. The only problem was, once he said what it was, his heart would be unguarded and open for Hawkeye's rejection. He took a deep breath, it was only fair. "Well, the short version is that Peg kicked me out. She found the box of letters and such that I had kept, put two and two together and didn't like the conclusion that she came up with. She wouldn't give me the chance to explain, just told me that I was disgusting and that I should pack up my stuff and leave. She said that she was going to make sure that I never saw my daughter again."

Hawkeye reached over and put his hand on top of BJ's. "I'm so sorry. I know how much your daughter meant to you." Hawkeye was trying to be sympathetic but there was a larger part of him that was happy that this was happening. A part of him was glad that he was getting his heart broken, then he knew how it felt. But at the same time he felt genuinely bad, this was the man that he had loved, that he still loved even if he had stomped on his heart. "So what now, Beej?"

BJ tried to think. But there were tears running down his face before he could stop them. BJ shook his head; this was definitely not the way that he had envisioned that this would go. He knew that now he was going to have to be honest with himself. He was going to have to tell the truth. "I don't know what's next. I know that I have no right to ask you this but I need to know. Do you still love me?"

Hawkeye licked his lips and closed his eyes. There were so many times that he had dreamt of this moment. So many things that he wanted to say but now that he had the chance he couldn't think of anything. All he could think of was that last night in Korea, he had bared his soul to this man and he had been rejected. This was either the second chance that he'd prayed for or his chance to reject. He wanted to be cynical and vengeful but BJ just looked so lost.

Hawkeye stood from his chair and knelt was that he and BJ were at eye level. "I never stopped loving you. I never stopped thinking about you, wondering if you were happy, wondering if I could ever be happy without you."

BJ was strangely relieved to see that there were tears in Hawkeye's eyes. To him that meant that he still had a chance. "So do you want to give this a try?"

For a couple of minutes Pierce just stared at Hunnicutt lost in his own thoughts. "I don't know. What if something happens, and she decides that she wants to take you back, keep the family together; will I lose you?"

BJ took both of Hawkeye's hands into his own. Hawkeye looked down and noticed that BJ's wedding ring was gone; there was only the tan line from years of him not taking it off.

"Where's your ring?" Hawkeye could see the pain and uncertainty in the other man's eyes but he had to know.

BJ never broke eye contact even as the tears spilled out of his eyes and made their way down his cheeks. "She demanded that I give it back. She said that she couldn't stay married to a liar. She actually said a bunch of things, she was so angry. But that's the gist of it. I don't think that she will be asking me to come back; she is, after all, filing for a divorce. All I have to do is go back to the house to pack my things. I should have said yes when you asked me to stay with you after the war; but I just didn't have the guts. It was a scary thought, to tell everyone that I had left my wife and child for another man. But ever since coming back from the war you are all I think about, all I dream about. More than once I have woken up panicked because you weren't beside me. Benjamin Franklin Pierce, you are the man for me; it just took me a while to get that."

Hawkeye gently kissed BJ on the mouth. It was tender and loving. He pulled them both to a standing position. "Come on Beej. We'll go to your house together, pack up what's important, come back here and then go to bed."

BJ nodded. He really didn't think that bringing Hawkeye would be such a good idea but at the same time he didn't want to go alone. He grabbed Hawkeye's hand and they walked out to BJ's car together.


End file.
